Hot Tuna: Lawn Mower Fumes Phil Bryant wants to move Miss America to the coast

Folks many years ago I worked as an official tabulator at one of the feeder contests to the Miss Mississippi pageant. Remembering I am a coastal Catholic type kinda of guy the pageant, held well north of the coast, was a cultural type of learning experience of the type that would serve me well in life’s later days.

There will be a set before the pageants over with that has all the girls. Get your scores in and leave before the number is done. Last year, the accountants were confronted before they could leave…..

The “wrong” girl won the year before and certain elements of the crowd evidently took umbrage against the score tabulators.  I certainly wasn’t taking the pageant or pro bono assignment seriously enough I quickly surmised……I mean heck these folks didn’t even drink like they did at the little league games in Chalmette for Christ’s sake! But after seeing all the nice young Baptist women’s camel toes during the swim suit contest, I understood what motived a typical off coast Mississippi Baptist sort of guy was simply a much tamer version of what I had seen as a young man over at the Memorial Day All Harley Blowout years before.

Now for the uninitiated Baptists in Mississippi, the most Baptist state in the union, are like Baskin Robbins as  there are over 100 different flavors of them. Please make no mistake I come not to run down the fractious religion but to celebrate its uniqueness in America’s cultural landscape. You see most of the true believers don’t drink, dance or gamble so if you take all that away that just leaves sex and there is this stereotype floating about in local pop culture that Baptists have a very healthy libeto to compensate. I say all this because as a young catholic guy what I had witnessed during the swim suit competition reminded me of the far more tawdry swim suit competition at the Blowout save for the fact that the contestant’s parents were not at the blowout cheering their daughters along as far as I could tell.

I say all this because Gov candidate Phil “Phildo” “Lawn Mower Fumes” Byrant is pushing moving the Miss America pageant from Vegas to the coast using BP money do so.  Nope folks it wasn’t enough that old Phil denied the severity of the Macondo well blowout until the bitter end. Idiots are a dime a dozen including the Baptist variety. Phil is a special kind of idiot, you know the kind that wants to shove his faith down everyone elses throats. This is why I thank God every night that Dave Dennis is running for Gov too. I mean shit in today’s day and age of free internet porn sites and cable TeeVee nobody watches Miss America any more. Don’t respectable GOP guys fantasize about Sarah Palin or her bimbo daughter Britol anyway now? Come on Phil get real dude is this the best you got??

They call election years the silly season for a damn good reason. Hopefully Phil can fulfill his perverted beauty pageant fantasies without using BP money to do so.


2 thoughts on “Hot Tuna: Lawn Mower Fumes Phil Bryant wants to move Miss America to the coast”

  1. Blowing all of BP’s money on one Miss America contest doesn’t make sense unless Lawnmower Phil thinks as Governor he would be a judge and get some extra hugs, kisses and maybe ride some fancy steppin’ camels ,uh I mean fancy steppin’ horses in the parade.

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